He’s 6 feet, 2 inches tall, sips on matcha lattes, listens to Laufey and swears The Bell Jar changed his life. He posts BeReal photos with tote bags and poetry books, calls himself a feminist and has strong opinions about “protecting women.” But ask him to name a single female author beyond Jane Austin, and the conversation suddenly changes.
Welcome to performative male culture, a new kind of masculinity that looks soft, sensitive and socially conscious on the surface, but often stops there. It’s the performance of wokeness, empathy and feminism, done less out of belief and more for attention, approval or aesthetics.
Performative male culture describes the phenomenon where some men adopt progressive ideals or emotional openness to appear thoughtful and feminist, while still benefiting from or perpetuating the same gendered dynamics they claim to reject. It’s not about genuine allyship; it’s about optics.
The term borrows from “performative activism,” where people publicly support social causes for social credit rather than conviction. In this case, masculinity is rebranded through trendy sensitivity, softboy aesthetics, curated playlists and feminist catchphrases, without the accountability or self-reflection that real change requires.
The rise of the internet “soft boy” helped shape this culture. Unlike the hyper-masculine “alpha male,” the soft boy markets himself as emotionally intelligent, artsy and politically aware. He’ll tell you he respects women, then talk over them in class. He reads women’s literature but treats it like a personality trait. He’s emotionally vulnerable online but emotionally unavailable in person.
This performance thrives on irony. It’s cool to seem sensitive, but not to actually care too much. Vulnerability becomes an aesthetic, not a value. And in the digital age, identity itself can become content.
Social expectations have changed, especially among younger generations. Traditional masculinity no longer attracts universal admiration. Empathy and self-awareness are now seen as green flags. Many men genuinely embrace that shift, learning to express emotion and respect boundaries.
But for others, these traits are strategic. Claiming to be “feminist” or “different from other guys” can be a way to gain romantic or social validation. It’s moral signaling disguised as maturity. The danger lies in how convincing it can look because performance can easily pass as progress.
Performative male culture isn’t just shallow; it can be manipulative. When men treat feminism as a dating strategy rather than a belief system, it undermines real progress. It turns allyship into an ego boost and empathy into performance art. Women end up disillusioned, while genuine conversations about masculinity and gender equality get diluted by irony and insincerity.
Even worse, it reinforces a quiet double standard. Men still receive praise for doing the bare minimum, listening, expressing emotion or reading a woman author, while women who do the same are seen as ordinary.
Authenticity is the key difference between performance and growth. Real allyship means acting on values, not just displaying them. It means listening more than talking, respecting boundaries and doing the uncomfortable work of examining one’s own biases.
There’s nothing wrong with matcha, Clairo or Laufey, but there’s a big difference between liking those things and using them as proof of being “different.” Being genuine doesn’t require performance; it requires empathy.
True progress isn’t about branding masculinity as softer or trendier… it’s about making it real.
